I majored in philosophy, not knowing what I wanted in my future
I graduated during a pandemic
I had a psychotic break
Group therapy stopped being covered
I took a job to be around people
I was scared isolation would ruin me yet again
Diligently to individual therapy I still went
Yet I ran from processing what I really needed to
Evading deeper self-knowledge
Flitting about on the surface
Penning long lists of “shoulds” about my life and career
Unacted upon
For they were not really made with me in mind
Just someone I wished I was at the time
Shame
Buckets upon buckets
Compounding as the years went by, feeling further and further behind
But that just kept me running
Fearing I always looked like an anomaly
Fearing what people secretly thought of me
Paralysis still chilling my bones
Driving me into loneliness
Freezing me in place
Isolation found me in a crowd
But at least I’m stronger now